Miscellany - A little of everything.

Sometimes we all forget just how great we are (and there are far too few people who remind us of that fact).

You're only given a little spark of madness. You musn't lose it. (Robin Williams)

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.  (Albert Einstein)

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. (Carl Zwanzig)

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. (Salvor Hardin)

Ohhh! The Infinite Value of the Humble Gospel Helpers!  Thousands of people who have no gifts as leaders are Number One Helpers. How grand revival work moves along when Red-Hot Platoons of Fire-Baptized Helpers crowd around God's Heroic Leaders of the Embattled Host!  (Brother Godbey)

No gift that serves others is little.

One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop. (G.M. Weilacher)

Here are we -- and yonder yawns the universe. (H.P. Lovecraft)

Don't be too worthwhile. Always keep a few character defects handy. People love to talk about your frailties. If you must be noble, keep it to yourself. (Edward D. Stone)

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

God gives and forgives, people get and forget.

You know you're in trouble when the strange noise from your car is the mechanic laughing underneath it. (Priceless, Dave Ramsey)

Football combines the two worst features of American life: violence and committee meetings. (George Will)

It is a happy talent to know how to play. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Drive On. We'll sweep up the blood later! (Katherine Hepburn)

It has been my experience that people who have no vices have very few virtues. (Abraham Lincoln)

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. (Edmund Burke)

Only when we walk in the dark can we see the stars.

A man said to the Universe, "Sir, I exist!"

"However," the Universe replied, "The fact has not created within me a sense of obligation."

Has it ever occured to you that there might be a difference between having an open mind and having holes in one's head? (Richard Schultz)

We used to think that if we knew one, we knew two, because one and one are two. We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about 'and.' (Sir Arthur Eddington)

The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough. (Bede Jarrett)

When the game is done, the King and the Pawn go into the same box. (Italian Proverb)

"If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee."  (Lady Astor to Winston Churchill)

"If you were my wife, I'd drink it."  (Winston Churchill, in reply)

Die, v.:  To stop sinning suddenly. (Elbert Hubbard)

Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live. (Henry Van Dyke)

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. (Mark Twain)

The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do. (Galileo Galilei)

Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? (Kelvin Throop III)

While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it. (Samuel Johnson)

To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. (Chinese Proverb)

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. (Albert Einstein)

It is better to sleep on things beforehand than lie awake about them afterward. (Baltasar Gracian)

Whines are the product of sour grapes.

Wisdom is like electricity. There is no permanently wise man, but one capable of wisdom, who, being put into certain company, or other favorable conditions, become wise for a short time, as glasses rubbed acquire electric power for a while. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Remember - if it never rained, there would be no rainbows.

Three Wise Women Would Have...

Asked directions,

Arrive on time,

Helped deliver the baby,

Cleaned the stable,

Made a casserole,

Brought practical gifts and

There would be Peace on Earth.

I like thinking big. If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big. (Donald Trump)

A good neighbor doubles the value of a house.

I saw the lightning's gleaming rod

Reach forth and write upon the sky

The awful autograph of God.

(Joaquin Miller, "The Ship in the Desert")

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. (Mark Twain)

"Hallo, Rabbit," [Pooh] said, "is that you?"

"Let's pretend it isn't," said Rabbit, "and see what happens." (A. A. Milne)

There wouldn't be a sky full of stars if we were all meant to wish on the same one. (Frances Clark)

No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, turn back. (Turkish Proverb)

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.

An after-dinner speech is like the horns of a bull - with a point here... and a point there... and an awful lot of bull in between. (Castilian Proverb)

The history of the world is but the biography of great men. (Thomas Carlyle)

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. (Nancy Reagan or Carl Sandburg)

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. (Mark Twain)

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

The wits of the wise the brew can beguile; and make the sage frolic, and make the sad smile. (Homer)

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid manikin. (Twinkle, twinkle, little star.)

KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotsmen in America and Americans in Scotland. (Ambrose Beirce)

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter. (Winston Churchill, on his eightieth birthday)

Life's most urgent question is: What are you doing for others? (Martin Luther King, Jr.)

Do what good you can today - you may not be here tomorrow.

God made the world round so we can never see too far down the road.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

There's nothing like biting off more than you can chew, and then chewing anyway. (Mark Burnett)

A peacock that rests on his feathers is just another turkey. (Dolly Parton)

If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively. (Mel Brooks)

"I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." ~Henry David Thoreau

Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.

Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, it seems to me most strange that men should fear;

Seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come. (William Shakespeare - Julius Caesar)

"My teeth are tingling again. I feel like I've just got to bite somebody before sundown or I shall go stark raving mad. And yet I know that society frowns on such an action. So what happens? I'm stuck with tingly teeth." (Snoopy, YAGMCB)

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry. (H.L. Mencken)

The discovery in 1846 of the planet Neptune was a dramatic and spectacular achievement of mathematical astronomy. The very existence of this new member of the solar system, and its exact location, were demonstrated with pencil and paper; there was left to observers only the routine task of pointing their telescopes at the spot the mathematicians had marked. (James R. Newman)

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, "I'm with you kid. Let's go." (Maya Angelou)

Glitter is the herpes of the craft world

Life can be understood backward; but must be lived forward. (Soren Aabye Kierkegaard)

"I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other." Quote from Mary Shelly's troubled Frankenstein's Monster


Better than I deserve (Dave Ramsey)

When the wonders of science and the mysteries of faith

come together, a miracle is born -- Hope.

Respect is when I can look up to you, but you never look down on me.

I wish the buck stopped here. I sure could use a few...

The man who runs in front of the car gets tired.

The man who runs behind the car gets exhausted.

Get in the car!

Kids in the back seat cause accidents;

Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

It takes in reality only one to make a quarrel. It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favour of vegetarianism, while the wolf remains of a different opinion. (Dean Inge)

Christmas is the Disneyfication of Christianity. (Don Cupitt)

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. (T.S. Elliot)

The best fame is a writer's fame: it's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough that you get interrupted when you eat. (Fran Lebowitz)

We must travel in the direction of our fear. (John Berryman)

Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. (Vaclav Havel)

Ideas won't keep. Something must be done about them. (Alfred North Whitehead)

It is better to wear out than to rust out. (Bishop Richard Cumberland)

The essence of life is statistical improbability on a colossal scale. (Richard Dawkins)

Madness need not be all breakdown. It may also be break-through. (R.D. Lang)

Someone said that God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December. (J. M. Barrie)

Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. (Gore Vidal)

On Being Successful

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it. Begin it now. (Johann Worfgang von Goethe)

Consider the postage stamp:  its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. (Josh Billings)

Eighty percent of success is showing up. (Woody Allen)

Every miracle in the Bible starts with a Problem. (Dr. John Maxwell)

Just because others have decided what's best for you doesn't mean you are incapable of deciding for yourself.

Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value. (Albert Einstein)

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way. (Christopher Morley)

To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. (Elbert Hubbard)

Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. (Henry Ford)

The proper response to difficulty is not to retreat, it is to prevail. (President George W. Bush)

You don't drown by falling into the water; you drown by staying there.

By failing to plan, you are planning to fail.

Success is getting what you want;

Happiness is wanting what you get.

(Dale Carnegie)

Minds are like Parachutes... they only function when open.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. (Will Rogers)

Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you. (Aldous Huxley)

Ships are safe in the harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.

It is not whether you get knocked down, it is whether you get up. (Vince Lombardi)

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. (Abraham Lincoln)

One of the biggest troubles with success is that its recipe is often the same as that for a nervous breakdown.

If you can't win the race, make the one ahead of you break the record.

The direction we are facing has a lot to do with our destination.

If you wish to succeed in life, make perseverance your bosom friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother, and hope your guardian genius. (Joseph Addison)

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. (Henry David Thoreau)

Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm. (Winston Churchill)

The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job.

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. (Donald H. Rumsfeld)

A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. (Bob Dylan)

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. (Chinese Proverb)

A bad attitude is like a flat tire - you'll never go anywhere till you fix it.

Don't let what you can't do interfere with what you can do.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. (Thomas Edison)

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

People of mediocre ability sometimes achieve outstanding success because they don't know when to quit. Most men succeed because they are determined to. (George Allen)

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. (Les Brown)

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom. (Gen. George S. Patton)

You can't get a job by reading the want ads; you get the job by going out and applying for the jobs.

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. (Henry Van Dyke)

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. (Henry David Thoreau)

The difference between a boss and a leader: a boss says, 'Go!' - a leader says, 'Let's go!'. (E. M. Kelly)

Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment. (Rita Mae Brown OR Barry LePatner)

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. (Confucius)

Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love. (Martin Luther King, Jr.)

Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. (Norman Vincent Peale)

We want to be rich, to be admired, to eat like a horse and be skinny as a snake. To have small children ask for our autographs, to be on terrific medications that make us calm and witty and sexy. To sing Irving Berlin and Gershwin and Porter at the Oak Room and be described as 'luminous.' But in the absence of all that, it's enough to be loved. (Garrison Keillor)

A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him. (Sidney Greenberg)

He has achieved success who has worked well, laughed often, and loved much. (Elbert Hubbard)

When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened. (John M. Richardson, Jr.)

Sometimes instead of climbing over barricades, you've got to walk around them. (Bono)

The greatestest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. (Walter Bagehot)

One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't. (George Bernard Shaw, "The Apple Cart")

Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present. (Roger Babson)

My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that's nice, too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success. (Helen Hayes)

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

It is better to have a little ability and use it well, than to have much ability and use it poorly.

Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done. (louis D. Brandeis)

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing. (Abraham Lincoln)

I takes 20 years to make an overnight success. (Eddie Cantor)

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." (Erma Bombeck)

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. (Theodore Roosevelt)

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. (Reba McEntire)

You cannot be a success in any business without believing that it is the greatest business in the world... You have to put your heart in the business and the business in your heart. (Thomas Watson Snr.)

When you walk up to Opportunity's door, don't knock it. Kick that bitch in, smile, and introduce yourself. (Dwayne Johnson)

As for conceit, what man will do any good who is not conceited? Nobody holds a good opinion of a man who has a low opinion of himself. (Anthony Trollope)

The important thing in life is not the victory but the contest; the essential thing is not to have won but to have fought well. (Baron Pierre de Coubertin)

A Toast! ... or Several...

There are silver ships,

There are gold ships,

But there are no ships

Like friendships.

Hope for the best,

Expect the worst;

Life is a play,

And we're all unrehearsed!

May the most you hope for

Be the least you will receive.

May we kiss those we please,

And please those we kiss!

May your right hand always

Be stretched out in friendship

And never in want.

May your neighbors respect you,

Trouble neglect you,

The angels protect you,

And Heaven accept you.

Here's hoping that you live forever,

And mine is the last voice you hear.

May the clouds in your life

Form only a background for

A lovely sunset.

May the Lord make your love

Increase and Overflow

For each other and

For everyone else.

(1 Thess 3:12)

A toast to bread,

For without bread,

There could be no toast.

Do all the good you can,

By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can,

In all the places you can,

To all the people you can,

As long as you can.

(John Wesley)

Heavenly Father, bless us

And keep us all alive.

There's ten of us to dinner,

And not enough for five.

I could wish you good health,

I could wish you great wealth;

But your health could fail tomorrow,

And great wealth could bring deep sorrow.

So, I'll simply say, may God bless you!

(Theodore Roosevelt)

May you live as long as you want,

But never want as long as you live.

(Irish Blessing)

May the road rise up to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon you face,

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

(Irish Blessing)

Nothing is nobler or more admirable

Than when two people who see eye to eye

Live together as husband and wife,

Thereby confounding their enemies

And delighting their friends.

(Homer, from The Odyssey)

May your hands be forever clasped in friendship

And your hearts forever joined in love.

May those who love us love us,

And those that don't love us,

May God turn their hearts.

And if He doesn't turn their hearts,

May He turn their ankles,

So we'll know them by their limping.

Here's to beefsteak when you're hungry,

Whiskey when you're dry,

Greenbacks when you're busted,

And Heaven when you die!

May you have the hindsight to know

Where you've been,

The foresight to know

Where you're going,

And the insight to know

When you've gone too far.

May the Lord love us but not call us too soon.

To Life. The first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

To Mother and Dad on their wedding anniversary:

We never know the love of our parents

For us till we have become parents.

(Henry Ward Beecher)

May we always have more occasion for the cook than for the doctor.

May our house always be too small to hold all our friends. (Myrtle Reed)

Here's champagne to our real friends and real pain to our sham friends.

May you never forget what is worth remembering

or remember what is best forgotten.

Here's to your health! You make age curious, Time furious, and all of us envious.

May blessings be upon your house,

Your roof and hearth and walls;

May there be lights to welcome you

When evening's shadow falls-

The love that like a guiding star

Still signals when you roam;

A book, a friend - these be the things

That make a house a home.

(Myrtle Reed)

To our host,

An excellent man;

For is not a man

Fairly judged by the

Company he keeps?

May the road rise to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back,

the sun shine warm upon your face,

the rain fall soft upon your fields,

and until we meet again

may God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

Up wi' yer glasses, an' deil tak the hindmaist!

Here's to those who love us,

And here's to those who don't

A smile for those who are willing to,

And a tear for those who won't.

Some hae meat and cannae eat,
Some would eat that want it.
But we hae meat and we can eat,
Sae let the Lord be thankit.
(Robert Burns)

Here's to Cheating, Stealing, Fighting, and Drinking.
If you Cheat, may you cheat Death;
If you Steal, may you steal a woman's heart;
If you Fight, may you fight for a brother;
If you Drink, may you drink with me.

'Cheers', translated

Prosit (Austrian, German)

L'chayim, Mazel tov (Hebrew)

A votre sante (French)

Okole maluna (Hawaiian)

Kampai, Banzai (Japanese)

Salud (Spanish)

Slante (Gaelic)

Oogy wawa (Zulu)